I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
