no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
