what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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