whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
