Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
