Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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