If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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