a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
