we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
