dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
