I just threw up on my dentist
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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