How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
