I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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