Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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