one two three fourrrrnication!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
