woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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