oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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