goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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