You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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