If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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