we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
