Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
