my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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