i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
