ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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