false alarm. still invincible.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't deserve a penis
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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