you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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