he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
