Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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