it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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