fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
too bad you live with your parents still
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
