I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
