I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
wow bdsm is so cute
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
