She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
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