Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize