so explain again why im purple
no
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
