He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
