you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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