also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
