so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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