Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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