Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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