i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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