...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I smell like Dick and happiness
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
