Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
