Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
