when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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