You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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