also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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