If i come over, it means nothing
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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