hotel room ftw
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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