areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
