i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
