I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
