Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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