sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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