i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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