You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
