There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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