I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
