so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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