Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
