he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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