I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dick very happy bro
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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