Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
