I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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