great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
